(with apologies to The Proclaimers, Bruce Springsteen, and Bob Dylan)

Here’s some midnight ramblings from the 36 hours I spent in bed after contracting COVID flying back from Europe among the great unmasked who airlines welcome on board these days. Although we kept our masks on for the journey, my wife Sandra & I had to remove them to eat and drink. So, thanks go to the snuffling, unmasked, Irishman in the window seat next to us who passed on his germs, five days later, we both tested positive.

Sandra was able to function. Me, I spent a couple of days and nights in bed, unable to speak, my throat hurt so bad.

Writing lyrics to a COVID Rock Opera from the songs that got me through the night kept me amused. In the cold light of day, they’re probably nothing more than a false creation, proceeding from a heat-oppressed brain. But they kept me amused. Your mileage may vary.

(And yes, we’re both well on the road to recovery.)

Act One (To the tune ‘Oh Jean’ by The Proclaimers, sung in a broad Glaswegian accent)

Ya went through half the human race
Ta getta me
Ya went through half the human race
Ta getta me.

I used to think
Ya’d never find me
That I was safe
From your embrace
But COVID, oh COVID
You got lucky with me.

I was so wrong
What took ya so long?
Ya gotta to me ‘cos you could
Like ya always said ya would.
Ah COVID, oh COVID
You got lucky with me.

And now
I know
What it means
To have ya all over me
Like others do
From Wuhan to Crewe
But COVID, oh COVID
Ah got lucky with you.

Ya went through half the human race
Ta getta me
Ya went through half the human race
Ta getta me.

Act Two (no need for many revisions to the lyrics, Bruce Springsteen says it like it is)

I’m on fire
At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
And a freight train running through the middle of my head
But COVID, you cool my desire.
Sometimes it’s like someone took a syringe baby edgy and dull
And put a vial fulla virus in the middle of my skull
Oh, oh, oh, I’m on fire

Act Three (From an original song by Bob Dylan, which fits the mood with just a few tweaks.)

COVID didn’t mean
To treat you so bad
You shouldn’t take it so personal
It didn’t mean
To make you so sad
You just happened to be there, that’s all.

When it saw you take your mask off and smile
It thought that it was well understood
That you’d be infected in a little while
I didn’t know that you were vaccinated for good.

But, sooner or later, one of us must know
That COVID just did what it’s supposed to do
Sooner or later, one of us must know
That it really did try to get close to you.

It couldn’t see
What you could show me
Your mask had kept your mouth well hid.
It couldn’t see
How you could know me
But you said you knew me and I believed you did.

When it whispered in my ear
And asked me if it was infecting you or her
It didn’t realize just what I did hear
It didn’t realize that both of us were.

But, sooner or later, one of us must know
That COVIDs just doin’ what it’s supposed to do
Sooner or later, one of us must know
That it really did try to get close to you.
That you were just kiddin’ me, you weren’t really negative at all
An’ it told you, as it clawed out your throat that it
Never really meant to do you any harm.

But, sooner or later, one of us must know
That COVID just did what it’s supposed to do
Sooner or later, one of us must know
That it really did try to get close to you.

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