Eight Easy Steps to Make Your Training Programs Irrelevant

By B. Kim Barnes and John Castaldi

(Note: I used to work with John at Sun Microsystems. This ironic commentary on what not to do as a trainer contains lessons for training coordinators, workshop leaders and public speakers. Enjoy! Ian.)

We applied our combined 50 years of experience to this challenge—how to insure that your instructor-led training programs die an early death. By following these eight steps we can guarantee that you will never have to deal with an over-booked classroom again.

1. Call any required pre-class study “pre-work.”
First and foremost, if you call any pre-class assignment “pre-work” you will discount its importance. This will convey that the “pre-work” is not part of the “real work” that happens in the workshop. Besides, who enjoys studying in their free time, anyway?

Bonus: During the actual class, be sure to ignore the pre-work and avoid all references to the “pre-work” assignment.

2. Ignore lessons from media or game producers.
Television newscasts utilize many techniques to keep their audiences from switching channels. Video and computer game producers have mastered ways to keep their users engaged. In these media, viewers observe a change of pace, variation in tone, and a range of activities and movement. We are not in the entertainment business, so these techniques do not apply to the classroom. By staying frozen in both position and voice, you can be sure that more important work, such as answering emails and sending text messages, will occur during class. These days we need not worry about keeping our audience engaged. They probably will be engaged—just not with us.

3. Make sure slides emphasize quantity, not quality.
Since you are no longer printing expensive transparencies, you might as well get your money’s worth from that PowerPoint license. So focus on creating the greatest possible number of slides. And through animation, make sure that most of the slides do tricks. If you have enough items zooming in from outside the frame or appearing in Rockettes-like sequence, participants are sure to expect the facilitator to morph or dance. If a table has a vertical orientation in the slide, show it with a horizontal orientation in the participants’ material or vice versa.

Bonus: Don’t forget to read the slides aloud word for word; the participants are probably reading something else anyway.

4. Remember that the devil is in the details.
Make sure your lectures are full of technical details. Avoid telling stories; stories are just for kids, as we all know. To impress your audience, use esoteric terms and technical jargon throughout your delivery. Do not provide any definitions or explanations. Do your best to maintain the gap in knowledge between you and them.

Here are some additional ways to keep that gap open:

• Change the terminology throughout the course, calling the same topic by different names. This keeps your audience on their toes (assuming that they have not fallen asleep).
• Use plenty of different models for the same thing—you can’t have too many models of good communication.
• Make sure the terms do not match those used elsewhere in the organization. For example, when your company has “trust” as a value, call it “integrity” in the class.
• Include local slang and difficult words to challenge non-native speakers. And remember to speak fast; it’s good practice for them.
• Especially when addressing a multicultural audience, rely heavily upon American sports and military metaphors. For example try “step up to the plate,” “punt,” “do an end run,” “blitz the opposition,” or “make your battle plan.”

Bonus: Reduce your slide fonts to 18 points or less, so you can fill every square millimeter with text. It’s just another way to get value for that PowerPoint license.

5. Celebrate training for training’s sake.
Don’t bother explaining why the topic is important to the company’s business results. Keep the conversations general and theoretical; avoid any discussion of their business challenges. Never ask participants to relate the skills or concepts to anything in their work life. Avoid any discussions where someone might disagree with you. Vigorous debate will reflect on your expertise.

Bonus: If any business or job issues are raised, quickly transfer the topic to a “parking lot” flipchart, and then ignore it.

6. Keep leaders out of the way.
Never invite your organization’s leaders to help you teach a session. The participants know they are in the “training world” not the “real world.” An organization leader or guest speaker might inject real world discussions. This will only confuse participants. Besides, you don’t need the competition.

Bonus: When conducting a class in another country, be sure to ignore the local leader. Don’t bother them by setting up a meeting, asking questions about local issues, or sending any advance email about the class. They’re busy people. Also, don’t worry about making any cultural adjustments to your program. Global employees are comfortable with American corporate lingo.

7. Lecture for 100 percent of the classroom time.
Avoid opportunities for experiential learning and feedback. Participants will return to work having checked the box but unlikely to try anything new. If they actually try using the skill, they may blame you for the fact that it didn’t work. Really, training gains popularity when it has all of the fun of missing work and none of the responsibility for actually applying new skills.

Bonus: By avoiding any practice in class, they are unlikely to gain competence. This way, they will be sent back to the classroom for more training—and greater job security for you.

8. Bury online learning resources.
And finally, be sure to provide a challenge to any participant who is interested in online follow-up. Make the access to online learning a puzzle. Be sure the learner has to log in at least twice, and needs a minimum of four clicks to access that important article or class material. People value more what they have to work hard to obtain.

If you follow all of these suggestions and still have a job—please let us know, so we can develop a training program for further development of these skills.

B. Kim Barnes is CEO of Barnes & Conti Associates, Inc.
John Castaldi is a senior learning consultant for Symantec Corporation.